Seriously?

Seriously. You're forty years old! YOU HAVE A TEDDY BEAR ON YOUR BACK! Seriously.

Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Seriously.

Content of bag : 25 teeny tiny Teddy bears

He ain't heavy, he's my brother

Content of bag: chopped-up, murdered sibling

How do you say "dopey" in Wookie?

Content of bag:

- Schedule of Star Wars marathon

- Thermos of tomato soup

- EpiPen

- Virginity

The bag and the Seagull - a haiku

A dirty bird
The smell of grease
Summer has gone

Douche bag workout gear

Content of bag:

- "The Game: Penatrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists" book
- Can of Red Bull (sugar-free)
- Novelty shirt that says "Gettin' lucky in Kentuky"
- Man card (revoked)

Dopey bag of mostly water

Don't forget to feed your dopey bag!

How to make your girlfriend break-up with you without really trying

Give this to her for her birthday.

Allô bébé

Yes, eet is me, le joli fake bag. Just look at me. Don't I look gorgeous? Don't I look pretty and French? Do you not want to strap me on and take me out to brunch with the girls? Mais oui.

What is that you say chérie? I am a cheap knockoffs and smell like plastic? Mon Dieu! What did you expect for twelve dollars fifty? 

Let's skip those silly preliminaries. Just kiss me, bébé. Kiss me.

The sea was angry that day my friends.

Like a young man forced to use the dopey bag his girlfriend gave him for Christmas.

Flap. Flap. Flap. Flap.

I keep the beats
With my badass strap skillzz
No way I'll tighten it
'Cus that wouldn't be chillzz

Peace out!

Flowery offense

Content of backpack:

- Bottle of strawberry soda
- Hello Kitty notebook
- Good judgment
- Pants